Couples Communication Counseling

I begin by helping couples to identify the habitual pattern of mutual hurt. Both partners play a role. Both need to identify the ways their interaction deteriorates. This is the start of couples communication counselling. 

Anyone in a relationship will recognize the pattern. In the beginning we believe we have found our other half, the partner who completes us, who fills in the missing pieces. Time passes. We note gaps. The partner has variations we did not expect. He or she does not always appreciate who we are, does not understand our needs or accept our limitations, does not always comfort us in our need. Our other half may resist, complain, withdraw. We both fall into mutual protest, or one of us protests while the other one flees. The worst is when both give up and silence takes over.

Treating each other respectfully takes thought, self-control and practice. Words can be destructive and may never be forgotten. We may drift into addressing our loved-one in terms and tones we would never use with a stranger.

Careful listening is key for couples to build communication. Responsive listening, especially reflection of feelings, is the most helpful. Try to put yourself in his or her place. Try to hear his or her history, hurts, scars. You might well think and act differently in similar circumstances. Even so, can you hear what makes him tick? Completely “getting it” is impossible. Trying counts for a lot.

Reserve an hour and a half to talk it through, especially for your first appointment.

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